Handshake 'n lies

Title: Handshake 'n lies

Target Audience: Anybody you handshake with

Offensive Threat: Low

Scheme: Classic tactic. 'Nuff said. Okay, not entirely enough said, because you have zero idea what I am talking about. Over time, I have used a variety of handshakes to make people nervous, awkward, or uncomfortable. Some of them are as follows:

1) The dead fish- When shaking hands with someone, make your hand go completely limp. Extremely uncomfortable for the victim.

2) The blocker- When going to shake hands, use your middle finger as a blocker against their hand. Bend your middle finger forward, so that the tip is pointing directly at the palm of their hand. When you go in for the handshake, use your middle finger as a blocker for the rest of your hand. Aim for the center of their palm. This should create about 2 inches of space between your two hands.

3) The torpedo- Right before you are about to make contact with the other shaker, twist your wrist so your palm is facing away from their hand. You should now be in a position where the back of your right hand is pressed up against the palm of their right hand. Liken this to a torpedo, snaking through the water, making its move at the last possible second...

4) The wrist grab- Self-explanatory, just grab the persons wrist instead of their hand.

5) The duck and cover- When going in for the shake, at the last possible second, tuck your thumb right up against the left side of your index finger (stage left, not camera, that'd be uncomfortable). Since you cannot lock thumbs at this point you will slide right towards their wrist.

6) The NRA- When shaking the persons hand, use your left hand to grab their elbow. Pull their arm in and hold it like you are holding a rifle, such that your left hand you are using to aim and your right hand is on the trigger. Claim that you love the way a gun feels in your hands.

7) The rewind- Often times males will shake hands, and then wrap their hands around each others thumb. I know this sounds awkward and weird (like everything else in this blog) but if you grab a friend and try it you will understand exactly what I am talking about. Instead of doing this motion once like us Americans are accustomed to, do it multiple times. Go back and forth between the thumb grab and the traditional handshake. Gets pretty annoying if the person wants to let go.

8) The tickle- A similar technique to the blocker. When shaking hands, take your index finger and gently (and uncomfortably) scratch the palm of their hand.

9) The switch hitter- My personal favorite. When you both extend your right hands for the handshake, come across with your left and grab the backside of their right hand. Hold it there for a few seconds and walk away.

Why It’s Annoying: People find the handshake moves to be incredibly creepy. They are unsuspecting, and totally hit by suprise. Fortunately, with 9 different techniques, they may never know which one will hit them next. Can drive people nuts if used the correct times and places.