The Terrible Comedian

Title: The Terrible Comedian

Target Audience: Anybody you talk to regularly

Offensive Threat: low

Scheme: This is an annoyance I use on a very regular basis. The more regularity you do this, the more irritating and annoying it will get. The basis of this shenanigan is to tell a terrible joke... over and over again. I have told it a few times a week over the course of a few years; and it has now gotten to the point that whenever I say the first line, "So a duck walks into a bar," the crowd lets out a collective groan. Now, you are probably asking yourself, "A duck walks into a bar? How is that possible? A ducks average lifespan is 20 years and you need to be 21 to drink!" Well relax, I will tell you the story now.

So a duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any gwapes?" And the bartender says, "No I don't" so the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes back and goes, "Hey barkeep! Got any gwapes?" To which the bartender, now visibly upset, replies, "No I don't! And if you come back again, I am going to staple your feet to the floor!" So the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes back and says to the bartender, "Got any staples?"
"No?" replies the bartender.
"Got any gwapes?"

That is the joke I use. You can adlib as necessary, and tailor the joke to your liking. For an additional annoyance do the following: After telling the joke, wait until your audience looks at you with a "what the heck is wrong with that guy?" look. Then be like, "okayyy, tough crowd, here is another one." Now tell a joke that is similar to the past one, but slightly different, as such...

So a frog walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any owanges?" And the bartender says, "No I don't" so the frog leaves. Next day the frog comes back and goes, "Hey barkeep! Got any owanges?" To which the bartender replies, "No I don't! And if you come back again, I am going to super glue your feet to the floor!" So the frog leaves. Next day the frog comes back and says to the bartender, "Got any glue?"
"No?" replies the bartender.
"Got any owanges?."

Why It’s Annoying: Hearing the same joke over and over is sure to send a chill down the annoyee's spine. Eventually, they will grow so tired of hearing the same stupid joke and become incredible irritated. That is when you can hit them with the version 2.0 and really get them angry. This is a great technique to break up awkward situations.