Title: Impressionism
Target Audience: 2 unsuspecting people, that typically know each other; yet not well
Offensive Threat: high
Scheme: This shenanigan has merited a 'high' offensive threat because while the shenanigan may be harmless; someone could take something too personally and be really upset. As mentioned above, you need to have two people that have zero idea what is about to take place. This is a pretty easy one to pull off. What you want to do for this prank is convince one person that the other does an impression of them. Naturally, the other one doesn't. They will continue to deny they do any impressions; meanwhile the impressionee is waiting nervously to see it. Here is an example of how the conversation may go. For the sake of explanation, we will name our victims War Eidsick and Stan Dardidiot.
Annoyer: Hey Stan, do your impression of War!
Stan: I don't do an impression of War
War: (visibly uncomfortable) You do an impression of me?! I want to see it.
Annoyer: Yeah, cmon Stan just do it. It's not a big deal.
Stan: Stop saying I do an impression! It's just not true!
Annoyer: War, Stan does a great impression and is just embarassed. Cmooonn Stan, just do it.
Continue with this until it gets too uncomfortable; and then laugh and walk away.
Why It’s Annoying: Nobody ever wants to have an impression done of them (except Snooki from the Jersey Shore, seriously, I have seen her being parodied atleast 150 times on the internet or TV). Therefore, for the impressionee, they are extremely uncomfortable about what people may think of them; and incredibly nervous about what the impressioner may do. For the impressioner it is annoying because they are being made out to be a major league jerk, and are getting frustrated that the annoyer just won't stop. At this point you can see how mad somebody would get.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Lights, Camera, No action
Title: Lights, Camera, No action
Target Audience: Girls work best, but anybody that needs a picture taken
Offensive Threat: medium
Scheme: This one you need to be careful with, because if a riot ensues you will have somebodies highly guarded possession, in your possession (how's that for wordplay?). What you need to do is find a group of people about to take a picture. Usually people will try and take a picture of themselves, and end up getting a close up of their nostrils, or being something completely off-center; and then describe it as 'artistic.' Instead of letting them make a mockery of photography, offer to take the picture for them. They will most likely oblige, and now you have the rights to use their camera. Get them all situated so it will be a hallmark card type picture. Then start your typical picture countup (not down). 1,2,3 picture right? Wrong. Once you hit the 3, turn to your left or right, and take a picture of whoever is standing next to you. Some people will laugh, some may cry, however all will be annoyed. Once the emotion wears off, get everybody back together for real this time. Then take the picture for real, but take it on 2 instead of 3.
Why It’s Annoying: Picture taking is an art that takes time and patience. By pulling this shenanigan, you have effectively wasted 30 seconds of somebodies precious time. It is also difficult for people to "replicate that perfect smile they had the last time" and will make them inevitably annoyed because they don't look as beautiful as they did 30 seconds ago.
Target Audience: Girls work best, but anybody that needs a picture taken
Offensive Threat: medium
Scheme: This one you need to be careful with, because if a riot ensues you will have somebodies highly guarded possession, in your possession (how's that for wordplay?). What you need to do is find a group of people about to take a picture. Usually people will try and take a picture of themselves, and end up getting a close up of their nostrils, or being something completely off-center; and then describe it as 'artistic.' Instead of letting them make a mockery of photography, offer to take the picture for them. They will most likely oblige, and now you have the rights to use their camera. Get them all situated so it will be a hallmark card type picture. Then start your typical picture countup (not down). 1,2,3 picture right? Wrong. Once you hit the 3, turn to your left or right, and take a picture of whoever is standing next to you. Some people will laugh, some may cry, however all will be annoyed. Once the emotion wears off, get everybody back together for real this time. Then take the picture for real, but take it on 2 instead of 3.
Why It’s Annoying: Picture taking is an art that takes time and patience. By pulling this shenanigan, you have effectively wasted 30 seconds of somebodies precious time. It is also difficult for people to "replicate that perfect smile they had the last time" and will make them inevitably annoyed because they don't look as beautiful as they did 30 seconds ago.
Monday, January 25, 2010
What do you mean by?
Title: What do you mean by?
Target Audience: Anybody explaining something to you
Offensive Threat: Low-medium
Scheme: This is one I actually just started. I am digging this live blogging thing, and may try to do it more often. For this shenanigan, all you need to do is question what the simplest word in the persons sentence means. When they answer the question, do it again. Keep hammering down until they freak out. A sample conversation would go something like this.
Annoyee: Nice day today isn't it?
Annoyer: What do you mean by day?
Annoyee: Like, today, Tuesday. The weather is good.
Annoyer: What do you mean by good?
Annoyee: It's nice out. The sun is shining and it's warm!
Annoyer: What do you mean by warm?
Annoyee: I hate you so much @#$&*(!!!!!
Why It’s Annoying: When somebody is trying to speak, they do not enjoy their train of thought to be constantly interrupted. When you continue to question their intentions, this will drive them nuts. You can turn this into a game as well. Count how many lines you can hammer down until the person catches on, then gets noticeably frustrated, and then just says screw it and walks away. Make it your own personal challenge among your friends.
Target Audience: Anybody explaining something to you
Offensive Threat: Low-medium
Scheme: This is one I actually just started. I am digging this live blogging thing, and may try to do it more often. For this shenanigan, all you need to do is question what the simplest word in the persons sentence means. When they answer the question, do it again. Keep hammering down until they freak out. A sample conversation would go something like this.
Annoyee: Nice day today isn't it?
Annoyer: What do you mean by day?
Annoyee: Like, today, Tuesday. The weather is good.
Annoyer: What do you mean by good?
Annoyee: It's nice out. The sun is shining and it's warm!
Annoyer: What do you mean by warm?
Annoyee: I hate you so much @#$&*(!!!!!
Why It’s Annoying: When somebody is trying to speak, they do not enjoy their train of thought to be constantly interrupted. When you continue to question their intentions, this will drive them nuts. You can turn this into a game as well. Count how many lines you can hammer down until the person catches on, then gets noticeably frustrated, and then just says screw it and walks away. Make it your own personal challenge among your friends.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
He said, She said
Title: He said, She said
Target Audience: Broad range of people
Offensive Threat: Low
Scheme: This one may seem easy to the naked eye, but in reality it takes some practice. All you need to do is speak in third person. You may ask, "But Safe, that isn't that hard, why do you think I need practice?" The answer to that is, "because you never want to break character." When you start speaking in third person, the annoyee will immediately figure out that you are trying to irritate them. At this point, they will try to point out your mistakes and shortcomings. If you use the word 'I' you are setting yourself up to be criticized and have the tables turned on you. Therefore, you need to practice speaking in third person before you unleash this shenanigan on civilization. When you sing in the shower, substitute 'I' with your name in all the songs. Practice with your dog, cat, parrot, or any other assorted animals you may have wandering around your house/yard. When you can speak in third person fluently and effectively, you are ready to pull this prank.
Sidenote: Is 'I' really a word? Pretty sure it is just a letter. And if 'I' is a word, then why isn't 'a?' Those crazy people that invent words should really do some investigation into this.
Why It’s Annoying: To tell you the truth, I don't really have a good answer to this one. I use this fairly regularly, and it drives people nuts. Maybe it is because by speaking in third person, you are better than the conversation you are currently having. It could also have something to do with the fact that the annoyee is jealous of the self-discipline you show by speaking in third person without breaking character; thus, increasing their irritation.
Target Audience: Broad range of people
Offensive Threat: Low
Scheme: This one may seem easy to the naked eye, but in reality it takes some practice. All you need to do is speak in third person. You may ask, "But Safe, that isn't that hard, why do you think I need practice?" The answer to that is, "because you never want to break character." When you start speaking in third person, the annoyee will immediately figure out that you are trying to irritate them. At this point, they will try to point out your mistakes and shortcomings. If you use the word 'I' you are setting yourself up to be criticized and have the tables turned on you. Therefore, you need to practice speaking in third person before you unleash this shenanigan on civilization. When you sing in the shower, substitute 'I' with your name in all the songs. Practice with your dog, cat, parrot, or any other assorted animals you may have wandering around your house/yard. When you can speak in third person fluently and effectively, you are ready to pull this prank.
Sidenote: Is 'I' really a word? Pretty sure it is just a letter. And if 'I' is a word, then why isn't 'a?' Those crazy people that invent words should really do some investigation into this.
Why It’s Annoying: To tell you the truth, I don't really have a good answer to this one. I use this fairly regularly, and it drives people nuts. Maybe it is because by speaking in third person, you are better than the conversation you are currently having. It could also have something to do with the fact that the annoyee is jealous of the self-discipline you show by speaking in third person without breaking character; thus, increasing their irritation.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Party Avenue!
While I am a self-proclaimed comedic genius, I will admit that I do not work alone. I have been fortunate enough to have an (almost) equally hilarious group of friends that have had plenty of solid annoying tactics. The following post is written by the man, the myth, the legend, the Logan P.
Title: Party Avenue!
Target Audience: College kids
Offensive Threat: Medium to Medium High
Scheme: So you’re driving with a friend or 3 down a street/boulevard/residential neighborhood in a university-based community. You spot a small group of college students (3-5 people, ideally) and begin to slow your car. At this point, you get the attention of all your buddies, and make sure they know what’s about to go down. You pull over to the group, roll down the window, and politely say something along these lines: “Excuse me. Are you from around here?” They will inevitably say “yes,” to which you reply “I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to... (pause for dramatic effect) PARTY AVENUE?!?!?” At which point, you and all your buddies scream really loudly, stomp on the gas, and blast a loud-ass song that has been cued up in advance.* Make sure rearview mirrors are clean and properly angled in order to derive full satisfaction.
*Note: Song choice is extremely important. Any song that is loud, intense, and is great to speed down a street to will work fine. Prime examples include “Renegade” by Styx, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana, any song by DMX.
Why It’s Annoying: Imagine you are minding your own business walking down the street with friends, attempting to do some stranger a favor, and end up being the butt of a swift joke instead. Yeah.
Title: Party Avenue!
Target Audience: College kids
Offensive Threat: Medium to Medium High
Scheme: So you’re driving with a friend or 3 down a street/boulevard/residential neighborhood in a university-based community. You spot a small group of college students (3-5 people, ideally) and begin to slow your car. At this point, you get the attention of all your buddies, and make sure they know what’s about to go down. You pull over to the group, roll down the window, and politely say something along these lines: “Excuse me. Are you from around here?” They will inevitably say “yes,” to which you reply “I was wondering if you could tell me how to get to... (pause for dramatic effect) PARTY AVENUE?!?!?” At which point, you and all your buddies scream really loudly, stomp on the gas, and blast a loud-ass song that has been cued up in advance.* Make sure rearview mirrors are clean and properly angled in order to derive full satisfaction.
*Note: Song choice is extremely important. Any song that is loud, intense, and is great to speed down a street to will work fine. Prime examples include “Renegade” by Styx, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana, any song by DMX.
Why It’s Annoying: Imagine you are minding your own business walking down the street with friends, attempting to do some stranger a favor, and end up being the butt of a swift joke instead. Yeah.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Chin
Title: Chin
Target audience: Whoever you are involved in conversation with
Offensive threat: Medium
Scheme: This is a good one, not only because "chin" is incredibly annoying, but it serves a purpose as well. Originally, it was used to capture somebodiess attention; over time however, it has been used as a technique to pacify someone who is quite heated (most likely because you have been annoying them). To effectively execute chin, you need the conversation to be at a particular point. Maybe the person you are speaking with is disinterested in what you are saying. That would be a good time to use chin. Maybe somebody is yelling at you, and you've realized you have lost the battle. That would be a good time to use chin. Maybe you are being mugged (which would mostly like mean the person you are talking to is disinterested in what you are saying as well as quite heated). That would NOT be a good time to use chin. Now that the tone is set, here is what you do. Cup your hand, and turn your palm so it is face up. Look at the person, put your hand towards their face, and gently ask, "chin?" Give them a little bit of the puppy dog eyes, to show that you really mean it. Keep your hand there until they calmly rest their chin in the palm of your hand. If they are reluctant to do so (common for a first time annoyee) shake your hand a little bit to impose your will and show them that you are waiting. When they finally agree, you have 2 options depending on your original intent. If you are trying to keep their attention; hold it until you are done with what you want to say. If you are trying to pacify them; wait until they calm down. If you are just trying to annoy them; wait as long as you'd like.
Why it's annoying: For starters, chin is incredibly uncomfortable. Other than strippers, most people don't like others grabbing at their faces. It is also incredibly irritating to the person if you interrupt their ranting and raving with an inquiry for their chin. Satisfaction 100% guaranteed.
Target audience: Whoever you are involved in conversation with
Offensive threat: Medium
Scheme: This is a good one, not only because "chin" is incredibly annoying, but it serves a purpose as well. Originally, it was used to capture somebodiess attention; over time however, it has been used as a technique to pacify someone who is quite heated (most likely because you have been annoying them). To effectively execute chin, you need the conversation to be at a particular point. Maybe the person you are speaking with is disinterested in what you are saying. That would be a good time to use chin. Maybe somebody is yelling at you, and you've realized you have lost the battle. That would be a good time to use chin. Maybe you are being mugged (which would mostly like mean the person you are talking to is disinterested in what you are saying as well as quite heated). That would NOT be a good time to use chin. Now that the tone is set, here is what you do. Cup your hand, and turn your palm so it is face up. Look at the person, put your hand towards their face, and gently ask, "chin?" Give them a little bit of the puppy dog eyes, to show that you really mean it. Keep your hand there until they calmly rest their chin in the palm of your hand. If they are reluctant to do so (common for a first time annoyee) shake your hand a little bit to impose your will and show them that you are waiting. When they finally agree, you have 2 options depending on your original intent. If you are trying to keep their attention; hold it until you are done with what you want to say. If you are trying to pacify them; wait until they calm down. If you are just trying to annoy them; wait as long as you'd like.
Why it's annoying: For starters, chin is incredibly uncomfortable. Other than strippers, most people don't like others grabbing at their faces. It is also incredibly irritating to the person if you interrupt their ranting and raving with an inquiry for their chin. Satisfaction 100% guaranteed.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Whats New York?
Title: Whats New York?
Target audience: Any New Yorker
Offensive threat: Medium-high
Scheme: Let me preface this post by saying I love New York. It is one of the greatest cities in the world and if you have never been there I highly suggest you go ASAP. With that being said, it is toooonnnnsss of fun to make fun of the city and its inhabitants. This shenanigan will take place upon first meeting someone, so you will have to be on your toes (not literally, so don't worry if you have bad foot strength). Anyway, when you first meet someone one of the first questions during the conversation is always, "so where you from?" When you ask your potential annoyee the said question, and they answer "New York" this is where you strike. After their answer, simply look confused and say, "New York? Where is that? Is that in Canada?" This question will enrage the New Yorker. They will probably flip out on you, call you a redneck, and show visible frustration. Mission accomplished.
*Note- This prank will NOT work if you are from New York or in New York.
Why it's annoying: New Yorkers are among the most high strung people on earth, so not acknowledging where they are from is incredibly irritating to them. They also like to think that this country is New York, and then everything else; so they will be shocked by your ignorance. They will also be upset because they love comments like, "Oh, that's so cool you from New York! What a fun city." Let them get all worked up, and then laugh and walk away.
Target audience: Any New Yorker
Offensive threat: Medium-high
Scheme: Let me preface this post by saying I love New York. It is one of the greatest cities in the world and if you have never been there I highly suggest you go ASAP. With that being said, it is toooonnnnsss of fun to make fun of the city and its inhabitants. This shenanigan will take place upon first meeting someone, so you will have to be on your toes (not literally, so don't worry if you have bad foot strength). Anyway, when you first meet someone one of the first questions during the conversation is always, "so where you from?" When you ask your potential annoyee the said question, and they answer "New York" this is where you strike. After their answer, simply look confused and say, "New York? Where is that? Is that in Canada?" This question will enrage the New Yorker. They will probably flip out on you, call you a redneck, and show visible frustration. Mission accomplished.
*Note- This prank will NOT work if you are from New York or in New York.
Why it's annoying: New Yorkers are among the most high strung people on earth, so not acknowledging where they are from is incredibly irritating to them. They also like to think that this country is New York, and then everything else; so they will be shocked by your ignorance. They will also be upset because they love comments like, "Oh, that's so cool you from New York! What a fun city." Let them get all worked up, and then laugh and walk away.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Welp, Smell Ya Later!
Title: Welp, Smell Ya Later!
Target audience: Strangers
Offensive threat: Medium
Scheme: This was a shenanigan my buddies and I used in high school all the time. You need to be in a setting with a large group of people. Typically bars, sporting events, schools, riots, and peace gatherings are good places to start. The first thing you need to do is find an unsuspecting, innocent looking stranger. When your target has been locked, walk up to them and make eye contact. Make sure your eye contact screams, "something awkward is about to happen to you." Once the annoyee knows its coming. Go in and sniff 'em. There are 2 ways to do this. Option 1 is that you almost rest your nose on their shoulder. Subtly sniff, loud enough for them to hear, but not too loud so it sounds like you're snorting. Follow them (with your nose still sniffing their shoulder) if they try to walk away. If they freak out and look at you, look them back in the eye, shrug and walk away. Option 2 is what I call the "cross sniff." A diagram below is an illustration of the target sniffing areas. This is a little bit more aggressive move, but is also shorter. What you want to do on this one, is sniff near their chest, and aggresively move your head (while continuing to sniff) up towards their shoulder. Like option 1, give them awkward eye contact and shrug and walk away when your done.
Why it's annoying: Being the smelly guy/girl is one of peoples biggest fears. It is up there with dying and public speaking (reference needed). By giving a random person the ol' sniffaroo, you evoke some of their greatest fears and insecurities. It will also cause confusion and pandemonium internally among the annoyee, which makes it even worse for them. A classic shenanigan.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Follow 'em around
Title: Follow 'em around
Target audience: Friends, lovers, or roommates
Offensive threat: Low
Scheme: Okay, So I kind of stole this from a show. What you do is literally follow the person around from room to room. Remain (literally) a step behind them. When they get mad at you for being all up in their business, give them the guilt trip. I usually go with "I Just want to be with you." See how long you can go until they physically shove you away. Bonus points if you follow them into the bathroom.
Why it's annoying: Would you want a second shadow? No, I didn't think so. Constantly being in someones "my zone" when they are trying to do their daily activities would be incredibly irritating for the annoyee. Then, when they yell at you, you drop the guilt trip. Now they feel guilty for yelling at you, thus doubling their annoyance.
Target audience: Friends, lovers, or roommates
Offensive threat: Low
Scheme: Okay, So I kind of stole this from a show. What you do is literally follow the person around from room to room. Remain (literally) a step behind them. When they get mad at you for being all up in their business, give them the guilt trip. I usually go with "I Just want to be with you." See how long you can go until they physically shove you away. Bonus points if you follow them into the bathroom.
Why it's annoying: Would you want a second shadow? No, I didn't think so. Constantly being in someones "my zone" when they are trying to do their daily activities would be incredibly irritating for the annoyee. Then, when they yell at you, you drop the guilt trip. Now they feel guilty for yelling at you, thus doubling their annoyance.
Welcome!
Welcome to my blog, "A Guide to Being Annoying." This blog is an idea from a friend, who thought I should publish my annoying antics. Let me give you a rundown of the format of each entry
Title: Basic Summary of the anoying antic
Target Audience: The person(s) you are trying to annoy. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. could be included here
Offensive threat: The purpose of this blog is to discuss silly ways to annoy people. We never want to offend, upset, or threaten anyone.
Scheme: The basic plan for pulling off the antic.
Why its annoying: This will outline the psychology of the annoyee. Why does this bother them? Consider this blog to be a scientific study.
My first post will be out in the next few days!
Title: Basic Summary of the anoying antic
Target Audience: The person(s) you are trying to annoy. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. could be included here
Offensive threat: The purpose of this blog is to discuss silly ways to annoy people. We never want to offend, upset, or threaten anyone.
Scheme: The basic plan for pulling off the antic.
Why its annoying: This will outline the psychology of the annoyee. Why does this bother them? Consider this blog to be a scientific study.
My first post will be out in the next few days!
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