He said, She said

Title: He said, She said

Target Audience: Broad range of people

Offensive Threat: Low

Scheme: This one may seem easy to the naked eye, but in reality it takes some practice. All you need to do is speak in third person. You may ask, "But Safe, that isn't that hard, why do you think I need practice?" The answer to that is, "because you never want to break character." When you start speaking in third person, the annoyee will immediately figure out that you are trying to irritate them. At this point, they will try to point out your mistakes and shortcomings. If you use the word 'I' you are setting yourself up to be criticized and have the tables turned on you. Therefore, you need to practice speaking in third person before you unleash this shenanigan on civilization. When you sing in the shower, substitute 'I' with your name in all the songs. Practice with your dog, cat, parrot, or any other assorted animals you may have wandering around your house/yard. When you can speak in third person fluently and effectively, you are ready to pull this prank.

Sidenote: Is 'I' really a word? Pretty sure it is just a letter. And if 'I' is a word, then why isn't 'a?' Those crazy people that invent words should really do some investigation into this.

Why It’s Annoying: To tell you the truth, I don't really have a good answer to this one. I use this fairly regularly, and it drives people nuts. Maybe it is because by speaking in third person, you are better than the conversation you are currently having. It could also have something to do with the fact that the annoyee is jealous of the self-discipline you show by speaking in third person without breaking character; thus, increasing their irritation.